by Adam Chester (and his mother)
by adam  August 31, 2012 10:42 am

Warnings. They’re as constant as the Four Seasons…
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall.
Only in my mother’s world, they’re better known as-
Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Michael, Alisa and Saul.
Well, it rhymes, right?

March 14, 1988
Saturday
Dear Adam,
Don’t tell Bonnie any of your business unless you want everyone to know.
She likes to talk to people. It makes her feel important.
Don’t ever let Michael in your apartment. He’s no good and he’ll steal anything you have when you’re not looking. I’m very serious. I won’t let him in mine and Bonnie told me she won’t let him in hers.
You better believe if he shows up there, it’s for no good.
Is Alisa working or going to school? What is she doing? What are her goals?
Saul, my landlord, is a bastard and after June, I will be out of here.
Love,
Mom

 
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by adam  August 24, 2012 11:18 am

Here in LA, my mother loves to watch tv.
Specifically, channel 13 as it airs a lot of older, fun tv shows.
In October of 2009, she came up with a great idea.

October 6, 2009
Adam-
I’ve got a great idea.
I think you should call Seinfeld. He’s on Channel 13. Maybe he could put a character on his show similar to you. Someone who’s a struggling musician doing all sorts of things to make a living. It would be a great addition and I bet Seinfeld would LOVE it! He could even use your music in the episodes.
It was a brainstorm that just came to me.
Love,
Mom

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Categories: Advice
by adam  August 10, 2012 12:10 pm

I think she forgot to tell me that I’ve got to put a stamp on the envelope, too.
Luckily, I’m smart.

June 21, 1985
Adam-
Enclosed find 3 separate letters or papers.
1. Says you have to sign claim form (yellow paper) on bottom where it is circled only in order for it to remain current.
2. Sign white sheet where it says other group insurance.
3. Do NOT fill out anything on yellow sheet other than your signature where it is circled.
Do NOT answer where you are employed, income, or anything else. What I filled out is enough. I spoke to the insurance man on the phone and he said name and address and a signature is enough.
Put the 3 papers in the envelope and mail.

 
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Categories: How to do things
by adam  July 27, 2012 10:28 am

Ok everyone. Gather ’round. Manipulation 101 is now in session.

Thursday
Maria,
You’re doing a terrific job as a mother and a working mother at that!
You’re very special and Adam is lucky to have you.
Just thought I’d treat you to a nice lunch while at work.
Love,
Joan

 
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Categories: Manipulation 101
by adam  July 5, 2012 10:44 pm

Never a dill moment.

1/24/94
Pickle-
1. If and when you decide to come to Florida, let me know. I have to order a roll-a-way bed.
They deliver.
2. Don’t confront the stalker who’s bothering Dana. Just call police.
I’m sorry you’re having so much stress. Take an aspirin before going to bed and get a full night’s sleep so you can work.
Enclosed find $20 to help with gas or a lunch?
Love,
Mom
A Happy Face

 
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Categories: Advice
by adam  June 29, 2012 10:48 am

I opened the letter. I read the letter. I put down the letter.
Then I watched the movie, “‘Night, Mother.”

Sunday, May 10th, 1987

Dear Adam,
After you left today, I’ve been thinking.
Why can’t you & I share an apartment in L.A. together.
I’ll get a job out there and I could pay half the rent?
We could get a 2 bedroom apartment so we each could have our own bedroom.
I would be happy & you could pursue your career!
I would be so happy to get away from Miami and being near you.
If you don’t want to, I won’t. But, would you think about it?
Love,
Mom
P.S. It would cut down a lot of my expenses so that I would be able to give you more money.
It would cut down my:
utilities
phone
air-fare
I’d rather give the money to you.

 
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by adam  June 22, 2012 10:27 am

My mother believes that my wife always asks me to do things and never lets me sleep.
My wife believes that my mother always manipulates me.
Last Sunday was fun.

 
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by adam  June 8, 2012 8:27 am

Mother nose best.

Wednesday
Dear Adam-
Just a note to remind you that if you have to pay anyone for anything, write a check from your CHECKING ACCOUNT. Do not pay any other way. If you don’t have enough in your checking account,
wait until you do before you pay any bills.
I have a busy day tomorrow so I’ll try to get to bed early.
Love,
Mom
P.S. You have a beautiful nose! Don’t let anyone touch it!

 
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by adam  May 25, 2012 10:51 am

Found this just this morning.
A wrinkled piece of paper on which my mother wrote her home address and cross street.
It was in my wallet.
She must have snuck it in there with the hope that someone would find it in order to contact her (by mail, I guess) if
(when)
something happens to me.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

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by adam  May 14, 2012 9:32 am

Hope you all had a wonderful S’Mother’s Day!

Hangover, Part 3?

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