S'motherboard

A Bad Sign?

adam — Tue, 21 May 2013 15:14:04 +0000

My mother just got herself her very own apartment in this fantastic building for independent seniors. Even has a nice pool we could all go swimming in!

Man, you talk about a party pooper…

Sweater, 2013

adam — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 04:49:57 +0000

Her orthopedic surgeon said it was the worst knee he had ever operated on in over 26 years of practice. But thanks to his talent and diligence, it was a success. Total knee replacement!

The other day, after five difficult weeks of rehab, I took her back to my house to see the kids and hang out for a little bit.

She lit up a cigarette. Outside it was a little overcast, but otherwise a wonderfully quiet weekend morning.

There we were. The two of us. Sitting calmly as if we had always been the best of friends. During a light breeze, I thought to myself, damn. She’s changed. This is awesome. She’s relaxed. She’ll be moving around much better sooner than you know it, and you know? I could easily see us hanging out together and socializing like normal families do. Grabbing a brunch…, having a few laughs, shootin’ the shit…

Christmas Cane

adam — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 03:44:44 +0000

My mother’s been using the same ol’ metal cane for years. It’s that type of cane that makes her look like…some sort of twisted protégée of Captain Hook.

So for Christmas, I decided to give her a chic and sassy, elegant looking cane. You know. The kind of fashionable cane that might turn some heads. Make her feel a little better about having to use the damn cane in the first place.

Guess that was a bad idea.

If It Weren’t For Me

adam — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:49:38 +0000

Ok fine. Props where props are due.

But seriously, does she have to come to my party?

Make Sure It’s Children At The Door

adam — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 15:11:52 +0000

Here’s……………………………..Joanie!

10/28

Dear Adam & Dana-

Am at my desk and thought I’d drop a line re: Halloween.

When you open the door to give out candy, please make sure it’s children at the door as they’re having robbers go out on Halloween to rob people’s houses. I read it in paper.

Also, when you go to Miami on Thanksgiving, please don’t give Michael a ride anywhere as he goes to ‘bad’ places & don’t let him drive the car. Just stay far away from him. Really!!

I sent Nan the picture of you & me Adam in Boston that you gave me.

Take care of each other-

Love, Mom

Why Does Maria Wait Till I Leave

adam — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 20:23:51 +0000

Let’s see…asphyxiation? Check. Vandalism? Check. Make sure you worry about things that really don’t matter? Check.

And, oh yeah…I almost forgot something…Does your wife not like when I visit?

Adam-
Watch Marcello as he puts things around his neck and he could choke himself! Also, make sure the front door is locked as anyone could come up and open the door.
And, when you pick-up Truman, make sure you get there early enough so you could get a parking spot.
Why does Maria wait till I leave before she comes home? I never get to see her! Is it personal?
Love,
Mom

Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Michael, Alisa and Saul

adam — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 17:42:58 +0000

Warnings. They’re as constant as the Four Seasons…
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall.
Only in my mother’s world, they’re better known as-
Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Michael, Alisa and Saul.
Well, it rhymes, right?

March 14, 1988
Saturday
Dear Adam,
Don’t tell Bonnie any of your business unless you want everyone to know.
She likes to talk to people. It makes her feel important.
Don’t ever let Michael in your apartment. He’s no good and he’ll steal anything you have when you’re not looking. I’m very serious. I won’t let him in mine and Bonnie told me she won’t let him in hers.
You better believe if he shows up there, it’s for no good.
Is Alisa working or going to school? What is she doing? What are her goals?
Saul, my landlord, is a bastard and after June, I will be out of here.
Love,
Mom

Seinfeld

adam — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 18:18:36 +0000

Here in LA, my mother loves to watch tv.
Specifically, channel 13 as it airs a lot of older, fun tv shows.
In October of 2009, she came up with a great idea.

October 6, 2009
Adam-
I’ve got a great idea.
I think you should call Seinfeld. He’s on Channel 13. Maybe he could put a character on his show similar to you. Someone who’s a struggling musician doing all sorts of things to make a living. It would be a great addition and I bet Seinfeld would LOVE it! He could even use your music in the episodes.
It was a brainstorm that just came to me.
Love,
Mom

3 Separate Letters Or Papers

adam — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 19:10:31 +0000

I think she forgot to tell me that I’ve got to put a stamp on the envelope, too.
Luckily, I’m smart.

June 21, 1985
Adam-
Enclosed find 3 separate letters or papers.
1. Says you have to sign claim form (yellow paper) on bottom where it is circled only in order for it to remain current.
2. Sign white sheet where it says other group insurance.
3. Do NOT fill out anything on yellow sheet other than your signature where it is circled.
Do NOT answer where you are employed, income, or anything else. What I filled out is enough. I spoke to the insurance man on the phone and he said name and address and a signature is enough.
Put the 3 papers in the envelope and mail.

Adam Is Lucky To Have You

adam — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 17:28:17 +0000

Ok everyone. Gather ’round. Manipulation 101 is now in session.

Thursday
Maria,
You’re doing a terrific job as a mother and a working mother at that!
You’re very special and Adam is lucky to have you.
Just thought I’d treat you to a nice lunch while at work.
Love,
Joan