Like the slogan said, good cheese comes from happy (American) cows…
February 19, 1986
Just a note to let you know not to eat any kind of foreign cheese. They have found that some French and Spanish cheese is contaminated. So just eat American cheese.
Also, I know it’s been raining there a lot and I want you to be careful. I know how the roads are out there when it rains so please wear a seat belt and be careful driving. I hope by this time, you have bought an umbrella.
I will let you know when I will be arriving. It will be in a couple of weeks.
This was written to me on May 10, 1986. It starts out normal enough, then spirals into woes about safe deposit boxes, and the terror of my “evil” UN…CLE…MI…CHAEL, (who was a constant worry for my mom.) The letter ends with 2 points every mother should pass on to their children. Inappropriate? Yes. Entertaining? Perhaps. Mortifying? You KNOW it. I submit to you, your Honor, exhibit #392,410:
Enclosed find payment that has to be made to National Direct Student Loan. Also enclosed is a check for $50 to help with it.
Benny sent me a birthday card. Wasn’t that nice?
Nan had given me the key to her safe-deposit box before she left. When she came back I went to give her the key which was supposed to be in the envelope. I hadn’t opened it to look inside when she gave it to me. As it turns out, there was nothing inside of the envelope. No key. Michael probably took it before he left to go out of town.
Just be advised that he is a thief! Do not allow him in your apartment at any time! Forewarned is forearmed. He probably took out whatever she had in that safe deposit box. Nan claims that she probably misplaced the key! Naturally, she defends him. Listen to me…
1. Don’t drink rain-water.
2. There’s a resistant form of gonorrhea going around. Use a condom.