Stopped by my mother’s apartment for Mother’s Day.
Should it surprise me that the inscription found at the entrance to Hell is scotch taped to her door?
I opened the letter. I read the letter. I put down the letter.
Then I watched the movie, “‘Night, Mother.”
Sunday, May 10th, 1987
After you left today, I’ve been thinking.
Why can’t you & I share an apartment in L.A. together.
I’ll get a job out there and I could pay half the rent?
We could get a 2 bedroom apartment so we each could have our own bedroom.
I would be happy & you could pursue your career!
I would be so happy to get away from Miami and being near you.
If you don’t want to, I won’t. But, would you think about it?
P.S. It would cut down a lot of my expenses so that I would be able to give you more money.
It would cut down my:
I’d rather give the money to you.
While my mother may look like a kind, sweet, helpless little old lady slowly stepping into a wheelchair to get from the plane to baggage claim, don’t be fooled! I think it’s all just part of her shtick to keep a closer eye on me…
This Capricorn horoscope my mother sent me from Glamour magazine seemed to predict that good things would be coming my way.
Oh, and by the way, Happy Birthday to my Gemini wife, Maria.
1. I had NO idea that was on the horoscope. I didn’t even remember what Maria’s birthday was. (I only read the CUTE saying they had.)
2. If you want me to be the “Bad” guy in this for something “harmless”, then so be it. I can’t control what people think! If I bothered to look at that part of the clipping, I may have thought twice. But, it was so unimportant to me, I never even looked! Maria should know in her heart how very much I care for her!
3. If you still have the cold after the antibiotics stop, you should have the doctor renew them ’cause I had to renew mine when I had the flu. You have to stay on 1 week longer. It’s so cold up here now, I had to put on my heavy “down” coat ’cause I don’t want to get sick again.
My mother was taking a plane trip back to California from New York. There were strong winds in the area, so the plane was going to be delayed by three hours. While waiting at her gate, she called me to let me know that I shouldn’t worry about picking her up when she landed, since they wouldn’t be getting in until after midnight. “That’s fine”, I said. “Thanks for letting me know. I guess we’ll see you when…”
“Hang on a second!”, my mother interrupted. “Captain? Captain?”, she beckoned to someone in the room she was standing in. Then she continued…”Adam, listen, the pilot of the plane wants to talk to you for a second. Here. This is my son, Adam.”
Captain O’Reilly: Hello?
Captain O’Reilly: Hi, this is Captain O’Reilly. I’m here with your mom. (Pause.)
Adam: Is this really the Captain of the plane?
Captain O’Reilly: Yes. Your mom wanted me to tell you that we’re going to be delayed about three hours due to the strong winds we’re having here. She just didn’t want you to worry.
Adam: I…can’t believe she got you on the phone to tell me that.
Captain O’Reilly: No problem. Have a great day.
Captain O’Reilly: Here’s your mom again.
Adam’s Mom: (Proudly…) Hello?
Upon her return, she handed me the following note to fax to Jet Blue.
Please send to Human Resource Department
Re: Captain O’Reilly
I took a flight from JFK to California. We were booked to leave at 6PM Eastern Time. There was a delay and we didn’t leave until 9PM. I was so impressed by the Pilot-Captain O’Reilly that I had to write this letter.
I was in a wheelchair and he was so considerate and caring for my welfare that I felt completely safe and secure about the flight (late or not).
He even took the time to call my son in California on my cell phone to let him know of the delay and not to worry.
Because of his concern for all the passengers, he is one of the few pilots I have seen that has the empathy and respect that others do not have.
Therefore, I believe he deserves some kind of recognition.
Thank you. It was my pleasure.
Los Angeles, California
Most mothers, upon hearing they’ll soon be hanging out with their son’s new love interest, would react by saying something along the lines of…Wow…can’t wait to spend some quality time with them! They might suggest making dinner reservations. Meeting for drinks! Walking around the city or even take in a Broadway show!
Wait. We’re talking about MY mother.
See the attached New York Post clipping she sent me in the mail about a couple of months prior to Maria and I making the trip. I guess she had other plans for us.
May 9, 1999
You & Maria are staying near Central Park. Don’t go into Park after Dark!
This was written to me on May 10, 1986. It starts out normal enough, then spirals into woes about safe deposit boxes, and the terror of my “evil” UN…CLE…MI…CHAEL, (who was a constant worry for my mom.) The letter ends with 2 points every mother should pass on to their children. Inappropriate? Yes. Entertaining? Perhaps. Mortifying? You KNOW it. I submit to you, your Honor, exhibit #392,410:
Enclosed find payment that has to be made to National Direct Student Loan. Also enclosed is a check for $50 to help with it.
Benny sent me a birthday card. Wasn’t that nice?
Nan had given me the key to her safe-deposit box before she left. When she came back I went to give her the key which was supposed to be in the envelope. I hadn’t opened it to look inside when she gave it to me. As it turns out, there was nothing inside of the envelope. No key. Michael probably took it before he left to go out of town.
Just be advised that he is a thief! Do not allow him in your apartment at any time! Forewarned is forearmed. He probably took out whatever she had in that safe deposit box. Nan claims that she probably misplaced the key! Naturally, she defends him. Listen to me…
1. Don’t drink rain-water.
2. There’s a resistant form of gonorrhea going around. Use a condom.
Hopefully, I can see you before you leave for New York ’cause I have something for you that you can use in New York. I hope if ever you have intruders in your apartment while you are asleep and wake up, you let them have whatever they want and that way, they won’t bother you and leave you alone. Don’t start fighting with them. Keep your windows locked. You’re right on an alley on the 1st floor!
Also, drink bottled water. The pipes in your building are old and the water could contain lead.
(That’s how moms are.)