by Adam Chester (and his mother)
by adam  September 21, 2012 1:23 pm

Let’s see…asphyxiation?  Check.  Vandalism? Check.  Make sure you worry about things that really don’t matter? Check.

And, oh yeah…I almost forgot something…Does your wife not like when I visit?

Adam-
Watch Marcello as he puts things around his neck and he could choke himself! Also, make sure the front door is locked as anyone could come up and open the door.
And, when you pick-up Truman, make sure you get there early enough so you could get a parking spot.
Why does Maria wait till I leave before she comes home? I never get to see her!
Is it personal?
Love,
Mom

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by adam  August 31, 2012 10:42 am

Warnings. They’re as constant as the Four Seasons…
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall.
Only in my mother’s world, they’re better known as-
Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Michael, Alisa and Saul.
Well, it rhymes, right?

March 14, 1988
Saturday
Dear Adam,
Don’t tell Bonnie any of your business unless you want everyone to know.
She likes to talk to people. It makes her feel important.
Don’t ever let Michael in your apartment. He’s no good and he’ll steal anything you have when you’re not looking. I’m very serious. I won’t let him in mine and Bonnie told me she won’t let him in hers.
You better believe if he shows up there, it’s for no good.
Is Alisa working or going to school? What is she doing? What are her goals?
Saul, my landlord, is a bastard and after June, I will be out of here.
Love,
Mom

 
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by adam  April 26, 2012 4:23 pm

Hi! It’s Adam calling.
Is my mother, Joan available?
She’s on her lunchbreak?
Hmmm. I don’t believe you.


Wednesday
Dear Adam-
Just a note to tell you not to call my office at any time. I’m having a lot of trouble with them and they’re a bunch of liars!
Love,
Mom

 
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by adam  November 3, 2011 3:20 pm

I bet Page 1 would have helped me understand this a little better.


So, don’t listen to all these “do-gooders.” They may even tell you they have done “such and such”. Just because they did it, doesn’t mean it’s right.
Listen to your old mom. I know you think I don’t know much of anything, but one thing you can count on, I’m in your corner.
More than anyone else is.
I’m your friend.
Love,
Mom

 
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by adam  October 12, 2011 1:05 pm

The “PERSON”, “HE”, and “HIM” in this letter happened to be my maternal grandfather. He divorced my grandmother long before I was born, and Nan married the man I grew up knowing and loving as, my grandfather. Little did I know until my senior year of high school that (Surprise!) THAT guy wasn’t actually my “blood” grandfather. This guy in New Jersey (who never remarried and allegedly liked the occasional nookie from whores), was. Go figure. Sure I wanted him to come to my wedding. But there was my mother filling my head with the necessary commentary one needs to hear right before their big day. You know, I’m beginning to wonder if my mother (Surprise!) is really my mother…

8/21/01
Adam-
Dementia is when the brain has deteriorated and the person cannot function rationally. So, anything he says is questionable. So, STAY AWAY from him before the wedding ’cause he’s trouble with a capital ‘T’.
I’ve tried to hire a reputable woman for him but he’d rather have his prostitutes! His friends (Frank, the barber) told me to stay away from him and concentrate on my own life. They all know he’s weird! Don’t worry. If he goes to wedding, Nan and I will gag and bind him! We’ll take care of him.
Mom
P.S. $20 is for a pizza for you and Maria.

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by adam  June 20, 2011 3:53 am

This letter was mailed to Maria and I on May 17th, 2001, several months before we got married. We still hadn’t finalized our honeymoon plans, so of course, an informed suggestion here and there never hurts.
Right?

Wednesday
Adam & Maria-

You shouldn’t go to South America on your honeymoon. I was just watching news on TV & the militia in Columbia just kidnapped some more Americans. They have been doing this in parts of South America & it is not safe there. It is not safe in Israel either. Hawaii is safe. Please don’t put yourself in harms way when you’re just starting out together!
Love,
Mom
P.S. You’re supposed to have a tetanus shot every 10 years. When was your last one given? I think I asked you before.

 
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by adam  April 18, 2011 10:20 am

Most mothers, upon hearing they’ll soon be hanging out with their son’s new love interest, would react by saying something along the lines of…Wow…can’t wait to spend some quality time with them! They might suggest making dinner reservations. Meeting for drinks! Walking around the city or even take in a Broadway show!

Wait. We’re talking about MY mother.

See the attached New York Post clipping she sent me in the mail about a couple of months prior to Maria and I making the trip. I guess she had other plans for us.

May 9, 1999
You & Maria are staying near Central Park. Don’t go into Park after Dark!

 
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by adam  March 14, 2011 11:57 pm

     Last week, my mother dropped by and overheard that I signed up to take a boxing class. You know. A boxing class. The aerobic kind? At a gym with other people? And trainers? Anyway, in her always self-assuring, “SOMEBODY’S GONNA KILL YOU!” fashion, this arrived in the mail on Friday…
 
 
Adam-

     You said you were going boxing with a friend. Be careful you don’t get knocked out as we have an inteview {sic} the next day.

Love,
Mom

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by adam  March 9, 2011 10:51 pm

10/18/92

Adam,

     Hopefully, I can see you before you leave for New York ’cause I have something for you that you can use in New York. I hope if ever you have intruders in your apartment while you are asleep and wake up, you let them have whatever they want and that way, they won’t bother you and leave you alone. Don’t start fighting with them. Keep your windows locked. You’re right on an alley on the 1st floor!

     Also, drink bottled water. The pipes in your building are old and the water could contain lead.

Love,
Mom
(That’s how moms are.)

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