by Adam Chester (and his mother)
by adam  April 8, 2011 9:09 am

This was written to me on May 10, 1986. It starts out normal enough, then spirals into woes about safe deposit boxes, and the terror of my “evil” UN…CLE…MI…CHAEL, (who was a constant worry for my mom.) The letter ends with 2 points every mother should pass on to their children. Inappropriate? Yes. Entertaining? Perhaps. Mortifying? You KNOW it. I submit to you, your Honor, exhibit #392,410:


Dear Adam,

Enclosed find payment that has to be made to National Direct Student Loan. Also enclosed is a check for $50 to help with it.

Benny sent me a birthday card. Wasn’t that nice?

Nan had given me the key to her safe-deposit box before she left. When she came back I went to give her the key which was supposed to be in the envelope. I hadn’t opened it to look inside when she gave it to me. As it turns out, there was nothing inside of the envelope. No key. Michael probably took it before he left to go out of town.

Just be advised that he is a thief! Do not allow him in your apartment at any time! Forewarned is forearmed. He probably took out whatever she had in that safe deposit box. Nan claims that she probably misplaced the key! Naturally, she defends him. Listen to me…


1. Don’t drink rain-water.
2. There’s a resistant form of gonorrhea going around. Use a condom.

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